Scenarios: I’m not ok with my stepdaughter spending my husband’s money

Jan 31, 2023, 10:34 AM | Updated: 2:40 pm
United States dollar banknotes are seen in a jeans pocket in this illustration photo taken in Poland on December 26, 2022. (Photo by Jakub Porzycki/NurPhoto via Getty Images)
(Photo by Jakub Porzycki/NurPhoto via Getty Images)

On the Gee and Ursula Show, hosts Gee Scott and Ursula Reutin give advice to help other people in a segment called … Scenarios.

More Scenarios: ‘I want my husband to get a matching tattoo with me’

Scenario: I’m really fortunate, I married a rich guy who is filthy rich. I mean loaded. And we’re really happy. Anyway, the problem is, his daughter from a previous marriage has an unlimited credit card, one of the American Express black cards, and she’s using that to fund a full-time job. Now, her spending is not going to break us, but it really bugs me, and he won’t do anything about it. She’s 26, stays home all day, and spends money. She posts videos of what she’s doing and how she’s spending the money. One weekend, she spent over $30,000 in one day in New York. I told him he has to do something about it because it’s not good for her as a person. There’s got to be some limit to how much he can afford. He just said that he had tried before. Once, he cut her off from spending, and she punished him by shutting him out of her life until he restored the unlimited funds. And he says is not worth it to him to lose her. What should I do? This kind of thing isn’t any of my business, but it kind of is since I am his wife, right?

Ursula Reutin: It is absolutely your business because you are his wife. And it sounds like that dad has zero backbone and is buying his daughter’s love, and his daughter is completely manipulating him and is getting away with it. Why would she stop if she’s able to do it and get everything that she wants? Can she force him to stop it? No, but I would definitely have continued conversations about it and try to explain this is not helping at all. I mean, if he’s that way, with that situation, what other situations would he be the same? I mean, I would imagine now that they’re married, it’s their money, not his money. Is that how it works?

(Producer) Andrew “Chef” Lanier: Unless they had a prenup.

Ursula: There are a lot of details needed, but she’s absolutely right that they’re doing no favors, or he’s doing no favors, for that daughter, who’s learning nothing from it.

Chef: You also don’t do any favors by cutting her off. I mean, let’s be honest, trying to tell a 26-year-old who is used to spending $30,000 over the course of a weekend that, all of a sudden, they’re on their own financially is like telling a newborn baby just go ahead and walk. You have not prepared them adequately for life. And they’re 26. So you’re going to have to do a little bit of tapering, tell her what a monthly budget is because, frankly, her only option for maintaining her lifestyle because she can’t work. Clearly, there’s no job that’s going to support her lifestyle. Her only option is going to be to find another rich dude. And unless you want your stepdaughter to have a relationship with a sugar daddy, you’re going to have to keep supporting her weight.

Ursula: Her only option. How about getting a dang job?

Chef: A job that pays $18 an hour?

Ursula: How about a reality check?

Chef: Yes, and there are a lot of 26-year-olds who have no life experience. They’ve never held a job, and they’re used to spending scads of money like this. These are not people that are useful to society, and what kind of resumé would you look at from this person and be like, ‘yeah, I’m going to put you in charge of a budget.’

Ursula: I would argue that she might feel better about herself if she wasn’t just squandering dad’s money. But go ahead, might be some tough times.

Gee Scott: Let me give some advice to the wife straight up. One time, a lady that my dad was dating got mad at him and said, every time that your daughter calls, you’re always answering the phone. Like there’s no timeout at all from you and from your daughter? [Dad’s reply:] Yeah? And I know there’s some dads out there that are listening right now, so I’m going to give you some real advice, wife. Zip it. Don’t say a word. That dude is rich, and he does whatever he wants to do for his daughter, that’s his daughter from a previous marriage. He can do what he wants to do. And it’s really rich of you to say, ‘my husband’s really rich.’ Well, you know what really rich people do? Whatever they want to, and if it involves giving money — not his mistress, not someone that he’s having an affair with — he’s giving money to his daughter. That’s his business. And yeah, you can say, ‘you know what? I don’t like this.’ Okay? Leave. Leave him, then.

Ursula: But if you are married to this person, you think it’s only his business still?

Chef: I don’t know. What does she do for work?

Ursula: Does it change because he’s rich? So would that be okay for you if he wasn’t rich and they don’t have a say in it?

Gee: Something tells me, and I don’t know this, but something tells me if this dude is doing this for his daughter, I wonder what he’s doing for her. So my thing is, is it ok that you, yourself, the wife, get unlimited funds? Is the daughter ok? That’s his daughter, and if you’re rich, you could do whatever you want with your daughter.

I used to always talk trash about dudes out there that pay for women and do all this stuff. Man, that’s not smart, that’s so dumb. I want to tell you right now Ursula if I was really rich, and I had a lot of money, I would love to just pay for my wife, do everything.

Ursula: Would you be ok if Zion said, ‘Hey dad, I want to blow $30,000 in one month in New York because you have that money. I don’t want to work. I’m just going to be posting on Instagram. It’s all for the gram.’

Gee: It’s all subjective, though, right? Some people have their kids live with them and make them pay rent. Some people have their kids live with them, and they don’t have to pay rent. It’s all subjective. That’s what we as parents do for our children. All I’m saying is what you might do is not what I might do. And, by the way, there were times that I was really tough with my kids, and I definitely believe in making your kids have to work. That’s just me. But I know how rich people get down.

Ursula: She’s just never going to grow up.

Gee: Possibly, but she’s going to get the inheritance.

Listen to Gee Scott and Ursula Reutin weekday mornings from 9 a.m. – 12 p.m. on KIRO Newsradio, 97.3 FM. Subscribe to the podcast here.

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Scenarios: I’m not ok with my stepdaughter spending my husband’s money