Ross: My problem with the Marvel Universe is about the physics

Dec 21, 2023, 6:40 AM | Updated: 10:00 am

From left, women play the parts of Wasp from Marvel Comics, Pixie from X-Men, Red Sonja from Marvel...

From left, women play the parts of Wasp from Marvel Comics, Pixie from X-Men, Red Sonja from Marvel Comics and Samus from Nintendo during Comic-Con 2017 in San Diego, California, July 20, 2017. / AFP PHOTO / Bill Wechter (Photo credit should read BILL WECHTER/AFP via Getty Images)

(Photo credit should read BILL WECHTER/AFP via Getty Images)

The latest Marvel movie is officially a box office flop. I have not seen it, but from what I read, “The Marvels” as it’s called, became the latest target of the anti-woke crowd which launched a boycott to punish Disney for making a movie where the leads are all female.

Barbie became a target of the anti-wokeists for the same reason. But I’m leaving the woke angle alone here.

If there are people who prefer to sleep their way through life, knock yourselves out.

My problem with the Marvel Universe has nothing to do with politics. It’s about the physics.

First, full disclosure, I’ve decided to embrace my role as a member of the aging boomer demographic and just say what I think about the evolution of the superhero genre.

So I’ll just come out and say it: The fight scenes don’t make any sense.

There’s no military strategy, it’s just dueling energy beams that come from nowhere, and yet somehow can be contained in a human body. Or some hand-held medieval weapon.

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I saw a publicity shot from the latest film where one of the characters is shooting lightning bolts from her left hand, as she makes a fist with her right hand. If you can shoot lightning bolts, why do you need a fist?

At least in the old Superman days, there was a reason he was stronger – Earth had only a fraction of the gravity of his birth planet Krypton. I get that. That’s just science.

Wonder Woman was the daughter of Greek gods and raised in the Amazon so of course she’s mastered the Lasso of Truth.

But now – it’s all about the sheer amount of unexplained energy you can splash on the screen.

And I’m not buying it. When you shoot lightning from your hands, wouldn’t there have to be at least some scarring of the fingers? I’m ALSO not buying that the hero’s lighting bolts are somehow more powerful than the villain’s lightning bolts.

Why would that be?

And I don’t see how you can fly around at near-light speed without being burned to a crisp unless of course your costume was re-woven from the threads of a Kryptonian baby blanket.

So, that’s why I haven’t seen a superhero movie since the one where everyone turned into confetti.

I appreciate that superheroes want to save the world – but it has to be a world worth saving.

Instead – it’s a world full of these flying MMA crusaders with their arbitrary powers and literal firearms.

I will admit – it serves as a perfect metaphor for the ultimate consequences of the Second Amendment…

But except for that – it can all turn to confetti.

Listen to Seattle’s Morning News with Dave Ross and Colleen O’Brien weekday mornings from 5 – 9 a.m. on KIRO Newsradio, 97.3 FM. Subscribe to the podcast here.

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Ross: My problem with the Marvel Universe is about the physics