If all else fails, make soda a controlled substance

I think it’s fair to say that by now, everybody knows too much soda is bad for you. And yet Americans still drink too much soda.

But help is on the way! This November, voters in the Bay Area will get another chance to pass a penny tax on each ounce of soda sold in San Francisco and Oakland in the hope that if a can of soda costs more, it’ll discourage soda drinking especially among low-income and minority groups who tend to drink way too much.

Related: At least one aspect of gun violence is being tackled

The last time this was tried two years ago it failed, in part because too many of the minority neighborhoods it was intended to help voted against it.

Yes, I know it’s crazy, but sometimes social reformers will come up with a perfectly logical plan to help a group of people only to find that they don’t want any help.
I suppose you could blame the sugar lobby, which is determined to kill the idea.
But people aren’t totally stupid. Everybody knows that unless you’re a farmhand or a lumberjack too much sugar makes you fat.

And it’s no mystery how much sugar is in a can of soda. It’s all printed right on the can. Now, you could argue it’s not obvious enough. Maybe stores should actually have to show how much sugar is in a six pack. (It’s about sixty teaspoons, by the way).

So how about we require that stores dump sixty teaspoons of sugar in a bowl next to the soda display with a sign saying, “Save time! Just eat this!”

But if that doesn’t do it, well then, it means the people have spoken.

All that’s left would be to make soda a controlled substance and send undercover cops to yank the six packs out of our refrigerators. Which I believe would be constitutional, just so long as you stay away from the guns.

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