We’re at the mercy of Microsoft’s Windows 10

By now you’ve heard that Windows 10 is here.

It’s probably not in your computer yet, but it is here, by which I mean on this planet. You must wait your turn to get it because the way you get it &#8212 as I discovered last night when I tried to download it &#8212 is by reservation. You have to have an approved machine, and if you do, then you are allowed to register your machine. Then Microsoft puts you on a giant invisible waiting list.

It’s a lot like trying to emigrate legally from Mexico.
And then, according to the website, when it’s your turn, your computer will update itself and you will wake up the next morning to a computer that &#8212 finally, after all these years working like it should &#8212 will keep working forever.

Because Microsoft has also announced that Windows 10 is the last big operating system release.

From here on out, there won’t be new releases. Everything will be in the cloud and Windows 10 will just quietly evolve as we do &#8212 until it actually becomes part of your body.

I know that sounds a little invasive, but think about it. All the really important computers in the world depend completely on Microsoft. To the point that if Microsoft announced tomorrow, “Hey everybody, we’re tired of all the hurtful comments about us on social media, so we’re just dissolving the company. Adios,” western civilization would effectively end.

So I’ve signed up and I’m in line. I’m praying my computer qualifies, but I’m warning you, Microsoft, this had better work. Because if it doesn’t, I’m gonna… I’m gonna… do nothing because all of my data will be inside your cloud and you’ll have me by the (BLEEP).