Reviewing the Apple Watch reviews

The reviews of the Apple Watch are in. So let’s review the reviews.

Most of the experts reviewing the new Apple Watch agree that as smart watches go, this is the ultimate … the screen, the animation, being able to use it as a viewfinder for your iPhone camera, paying for coffee with your wrist.

“You just double tap the side button and wave the watch over the payment terminal. Pretty cool,” said Nilay Patel of the Verge.

He was really impressed by the Apple Watch pay function. What didn’t impress him was that the watch was constantly notifying him of messages by tapping his wrist.

“I’m getting all kinds of notifications that I don’t want,” Patel said. “To turn them off, I have to go through this long list and pick which ones – yes or no. Now I’m not paying attention to my friends and family, but I’m more aware of how many people I’m ignoring than ever before.”

Patel was staging a little skit in a bar to demonstrate the watch. Reviewers like to do little skits now.

David Pogue of Yahoo also demonstrated the tap function, which is also used as an intimate form of communication.

“We could have a private Morse Code like, ‘This party is lame. Let’s go, please.’ The recipient felt this tapping on her watch wherever she is in the world right now,” Pogue told his buddy.

“That’s pretty cool. I guess it can do just about anything, but tell time,” his buddy snickered.

Which is of course the go-to joke about the Apple Watch. However, it does tell the time, provided you remember to charge it every night without fail.

The main question is whether it’s more or less annoying than your iPhone.

“It’s like it has half of every feature.”

That’s one vote for more annoying.

“Mainly, it’s like a filter. The average person pulls out the phone 120 times a day. So this is like a filter. You can just glance instead of pulling out the phone and being rude.”

There’s a vote for less annoying.

So let’s give the tie breaking vote to reviewer Geoffrey Fowler of The Wall Street Journal.

“I found that I spend 4.3 hours a day looking at my phone,” Fowler said. “The Apple Watch puts your phone in its proper place: your pocket. I look at it in bursts, rarely more than five seconds. It shows me the weather or a headline with one finger swipe, gently tapping the watch when something needs my attention. Wearing one has made me more present. I’m less likely to obsess over my phone or leave it on the table during supper.”

It actually made him more present. Although in a world where the default position is staring at the screen for 4.3 hours, that’s not a very high bar.

I thought the guy who got it right was David Pogue.

“After months of speculation, we finally know what the Apple Watch really is: a conversation starter. ‘Is that the Apple Watch?’ ‘Yes it is.’ ‘I bet it does everything but tell time.'”

It also identifies you as a person who strongly believes that the person sitting across from you is the least important thing in your life right now.