After Yahoo data breach, it’s time to start lying

Here it is, another Yahoo data breach. This time, it’s the biggest data breach ever.

I will admit that as someone who started covering computers back in the ‘80s I thought that by now the industry would have at least figured out how to keep strangers from having unprotected digital intercourse with your laptop.

But clearly, they can’t! Because this is what keeps coming out of my radio: “Yahoo has revealed another cyber-attack. Possibly the biggest data breach ever.”

Related: If Russia doesn’t like Trump, we may see more leaked emails

We can recite this story by heart. The difference is that this time there are a billion email accounts at risk.

Yahoo said this is a new breach, separate from the one that took place earlier this year. However, the same state-sponsored actor could be responsible.

Yes! And this “state-sponsored actor” (I wonder who it was) got names, telephone numbers, and even security questions. So we can assume the Russians now know the name of the first person you kissed and that you named your dog Princess Poopy Paws.

And the way to fix it is always the same: Change your password.

You have to change your password again. This is reset number three for Yahoo. Change your password to a string of nonsense characters which you’ll instantly forget because most of us wouldn’t remember where we parked without a smartphone. In fact, you might as well open a whole new account, which is probably why Yahoo even has a billion accounts to being with — the same people have to keep opening new ones.

Well, as someone once said, we’re tired of our damn emails being hacked.

So it’s time to start lying.

If President Putin is going to get my birth date, it’s going to be wrong. My address is going to be wrong. I’m going to lie about my preferences, my favorite color, my dog’s name, who I kissed, and my first-grade teacher.

And I’m going to sign every email “Putin Poopy Paws.”

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