Curley’s New Year’s resolution: Pretend every surface is hot

Most New Year’s resolutions involve regular minutia like losing weight or a getting promotion, but if you’re not going to keep them, you might as well make it interesting.

KIRO Radio’s John Curley has made his share of ridiculous, hard-to-keep New Year’s resolutions over the years. One year he tried to not sign his name to anything; in another, he chose not to recognize Hawaii as a state. Then there was never wearing socks, never wearing underwear, always wearing socks, and donning a suit and tie everyday. Some were more successfully kept than others.

“The worst one I ever came up with was to give $5 away to a stranger once a week. Whenever you run up to someone on the street, just say, ‘Here’s $5,'” he said. “Most people are suspicious of the $5. They don’t know why you’re coming up to them or who you are. They think it’s either not a real five dollar bill or that you’re going to kick them in the groin.”

The only way Curley could give the money away was to tell them that it was a New Year’s resolution.

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This year he’s pulling out all the stops: “Treat every surface as if it’s hot. You go to touch the desk or pick up a pen and just make sure that it’s not hot,” John said. “It could be hot, but it most likely isn’t hot.”

“Aren’t these New Year’s resolutions supposed to improve you in some way?” John’s friend Dan wondered.

“I did not ask for your input.”

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