A Jewish mother & a rabbi ponder: Should Rachel Belle get a Christmas tree?

Being Jewish, Christmas Day has always been about Chinese food and a movie. My family has never celebrated Christmas in our home and I have never had a Christmas tree.

But last week I drove past a car with a snowy Christmas tree strapped to its roof and I was suddenly overwhelmed by somebody else’s nostalgia. Would it maybe be kind of nice to have a Christmas tree? Would that be weird? I mean, it’s really never occurred to me to get one, I never felt left out as a kid.
My family had our own Hanukkah traditions, eight nights worth. But suddenly the idea of a tree sounded really fun. So I called my mother to see what she thought. I didn’t tell her I was taping, and I asked her if she’d be upset if I got a Christmas tree.

“Um, no, I don’t care, no,” she said on the phone, while out shopping. “I think if you want to experiment and experience it, go ahead.”

Huh. Well that wasn’t what I was expecting. We talked for a while and I said I didn’t find a tree to be a religious symbol.

“Well you can say whatever you want about it,” she laughed. “But it’s still a Christian thing to do. Hmmmm. You should go talk to a rabbi.”

So I did. James Mirel is a rabbi at Temple B’Nai torah in Bellevue. It’s a reform synagogue, two rungs below orthodox. Apparently the Christmas tree question is not unique to me.

“I’ve been asked that question thousands of times over the last 40 years of being a rabbi. They want my opinion but they also bring a lot of emotion to the issue.”

He says he hears from interfaith couples, Jewish parents whose kids feel uncomfortably different from their friends at school, and Jews who just think the trees are pretty and would it really be so bad?

“Well first of all, I always like to avoid being judgmental because people come from different places,” Rabbi Mirel said. “If they want to ask me my opinion then I would say if you’re having a Jewish home I would not recommend having a Christmas tree. But why are you bringing this question to me? What has engendered that discussion?”

Everett’s Leslie Cohen grew up Jewish, and at 47 years old she just got her first Christmas tree.

“My boyfriend and I moved in together in June and I’ve been very excited about this tree. Been actually waiting to get through Halloween and Thanksgiving so I could get this tree.”

But then, the unexpected happened.

“And then we finished the tree and I freaked out. I felt really weird, sort of felt like I was betraying my people. I felt uncomfortable for a little bit so I got out, I have a dreidel dog treat jar my friend gave me. So I pulled the dreidel jar out, I went downstairs and got the menorah, put that out.”

I have also been feeling uncomfortable about the idea, and it’s been tough to pinpoint why. Friends who’ve always had trees say: What’s the big deal? It’s pretty! You’re missing out! It’s not religious! It’s just a tree. I’m not religious either, but I’m very proud of being Jewish, culturally. And being a part of a minority, I feel it’s important to keep our traditions alive. If I got a tree, would I be diluting my own culture? The solution, some people say, is to get a Hanukkah bush. I asked the rabbi.

“Well, there’s no doubt in my mind that a tree in December is a Christmas tree, if it’s in your house, if it’s decorated. So you can call it anything you want, but really it is a Christmas tree,” said Rabbi Mirel. So if you and your family are not part of that tradition then I don’t think it makes a lot of sense to have a tree in the house, whatever you call it, because you’re imitating somebody else and you have your own wonderful traditions.”

I put the question up on Facebook and got more than 100 responses, nearly all of them telling me to go for it. So I decided to do just that. I’d just get a small tree and decorate it with blue and silver. Maybe a little menorah on top? But then, a few hours later, my mom called me back and left this message.

“Hey Rachel Belle, this is your mother. I keep thinking about what you said, and called me, I think you’re crazy about a Christmas tree! I’m sort of like in shock that you would even think that. But Rachel Belle! You’re a Jew girl! You don’t need a tree! You’re a mushuga! Ok? No tree! You crazy lady. Bye, love you.”

In the end I never made it to the tree lot. It just didn’t feel right. It’s nice having my own set of traditions, being a little unique and perhaps it would feel like I was giving up a bit of my strong Jewish identity. Part of me no longer wants a tree because it seems like a lot of non-Jews don’t seems to understand that it is a big deal, that it’s not a casual decision. And that makes me want to represent myself even more strongly as a Jewish woman. Regardless, my mother wins this round.