Skinny monkeys don’t lead to longer lives

After keeping monkeys on an extremely low-calorie diet for several decades, researchers are disappointed to find it did nothing to help them live longer lives. And that means another dead end for us on the quest for the fountain of youth.

The journal “Nature” reports for 25 years, the rhesus monkeys were kept semi-starved, lean and hungry. The males’ weights were so low, they were the rough equivalent of a 6-foot-tall man weighing 125 pounds.

It turns out, the skinny monkeys did not live any longer than those kept at more normal weights. The causes of death — cancer, heart disease — were the same in both the underfed and the normally fed monkeys.

Now, there was a benefit in some lab tests — like cholesterol — for the monkeys who started starving themselves LATE IN LIFE. But humans already do that — we tend to eat less as we age. Could it be that our bodies know that’s good for us … and that a crash diet at a young age woouldn’t help?

Skinny monkeys, we owe you a big apology.