Meet Seattle’s favorite liberal talk show host, Irod Nosnom

A special guest took over the Dori Monson Show on Friday — Dori’s antithesis, Irod Nosnom.

Irod Nosnom, who goes by the pronouns ze and zir, is Seattle’s most fiery liberal talk show host. After a speech about what a hero Jay Inslee is for the environment, Irod was tolerant and diverse enough to open up the phone lines and take questions from conservative callers.

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1. “I want to argue with you about the pay-per-mile program.” – Cole in Olympia

Irod Nosnom: “The pay-per-mile program is a great program because we’ve got to start paying our fair share. I’m sick of all these greedy one-percenters trying to keep all of their money. We’re all in this together. And I’m for anything that will get more of the greed-mongers’ money to government. We need to increase tax revenue because we need more government services. We need to house the homeless. Why do you want the homeless to be out on the streets?”

2. “Why don’t they put injection sites next to methadone clinics?” – Ian in Fremont

Irod: “We should put the injection sites on every block in the city because that will reduce all of the heroin addiction. We’ve got to start saving some lives. We’ve got to start helping people. The way we help them is by getting them their fix. I’ll tell you something right now about these heroin clinics, they’ll save lives.”

3. “A woman’s body is not a baby’s body, so abortion isn’t just about a woman’s body. And the homeless are not just homeless, they’re drug addicts.” – Tim in Ballard

Irod: “No, you’re not a baby until you’re born. The second you’re born, you become a baby. One second before birth, you’re nothing but a pack of cells. That’s what these conservatives don’t get. And these homeless people are human beings who have been left behind by the capitalism, by the rampant greed that I see everywhere when I look around this city and this region. This is one of the greediest regions I’ve ever seen in my life. That’s why we’ve got heroin addicts. It’s because we don’t spend enough money. We don’t house the homeless. We should be buying them heroin. Then they won’t have to break into people’s houses to get their next fix. That’s what we have to do. It won’t attract more addicts here, it will save lives.”

4. “I just heard on the news that the government says it believes in science and that’s why we have to get everyone inoculated for measles. So why don’t we use that same exact science for people’s gender? Science says they have certain DNA and bone structure, why don’t we pay attention to that?” – Karl in Everett

Irod: “Yes, Jay Inslee is a great advocate for science. He knows that if we don’t do something, we’re going to be underwater in 10 years — unless you live on top of Queen Anne Hill, then it’s 12 years. If we don’t elect Jay Inslee president, then we’re all drowning. Look, gender is a spectrum and there is an infinite number of genders. You people are stuck in the past. Were you a Reagan guy? I’ll bet you were a Reagan guy. Join us in the 21st century, pal. Gender is a spectrum and we should have an infinite number of designations on our driver’s licenses, period.”

5. “I don’t think we need any transgender education in the schools.” — Jim in Grays Harbor

Irod: “First of all, I’m not going to let you yell over me because this is a safe space. I’m not going to let people invade my safe space like that. We need to tell the kids that they are not male or female, they are just human beings. Why is that so hard for conservatives to understand? We’re all just human beings, man. I don’t even know how to argue with these neanderthals.”

6. “When are you guys going to stop laying off Trump?” — Bill in Olympia

Irod: “Oh, you mean that orange Cheeto in the White House? Have you seen his hair? What’s the deal with that hair? I’ll tell you what, Trump and his kids should be in jail right now. Who cares how the economy is doing? He’s treasonous.”

7. “My favorite member of the Seattle City Council is Kshama Sawant. What do you think?” — Gala in Friday Harbor

Irod: “I usually like taking on people with different points of view, but I’m glad you got on, Gala, because I couldn’t agree with you more. I am absolutely with you. Here we have somebody who finally is looking out for the little person, who understands that all these greedy, fat-cat tech millionaires sitting in their high-rise condos have to start sharing a little bit. We’re all in this together and we’ve got to start taxing those fat cats. And the only person around here with the guts to say that is Kshama Sawant. Bezos is the enemy, and Sawant is the only one looking out for us. We need more of her in public life. I cannot wait until we get more of the Marxists elected because finally we’ll have some equity. We can divide everything up equally, and people can stop sweating about work in this country.”

7. “I hope you’re happy with $15 an hour. Let’s just keep printing money, because it obviously doesn’t mean anything. I hope you’re enjoying contributing to the expensive Seattle. ” — Desbee in Seattle

Irod: “It’s a start. It should be $30 an hour. What we need is a living wage for everybody. And as one of my close friends, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, said, we should provide a living wage even for people who are not willing to work. Because work is stressful, man. We’ve got to eliminate stress from people’s lives. We can’t keep putting therapy donkeys on college campuses for stressed-out students forever. It sounds to me like you’re one of those greedy people. You know, it takes a village, Desbee. It’s time for you to start paying your fair share. Let me ask you, what about the children?”

8. “I’m so mad about these car tabs and Sound Transit. I just renewed the tabs for my 1999 Honda Odyssey, and it cost me $165.” — Dave in Lakewood

Irod: “I know those Honda Odysseys. That’s a combustion engine — you’re destroying the planet. You know, $165 should be $1,650 for you greedy car people out there. Start riding a bike, man.”

Want to see more of Irod Nosnom in the future, or would you rather he go back to hiding in his safe space? Leave your comments below.