Ross: No words for Dow stocks dropping 1,200 points, only lyrics

One of the great things about being the oldest employee in the newsroom is that, after a while, every story has a familiar ring to it. Especially stories about the stock market…

Stocks plummet. Dow drops nearly 1,300 points after worrying inflation data

I’m sure stocks will recover — they always do — but seeing that 4-digit drop yesterday, it was time to dig out this timeless track from my 1997 Album “News In The Key of C,” a sad ballad that’s as true now as it was 25 years ago:

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STOCKS IN LOW PLACES

Not long ago, I saw the Dow Jones and said:

“I gotta buy me some o’ that!”

Cause people with brains

Know capital gains

Is the place where the smart money’s at.

So I called up my broker and said, “Let’s play poker”

He said, ”How much will you bet?”

Well, ya mustn’t think small, so I said, “Bet it all!”

And look at the thanks that I get!

Yeah, I got stocks in low places

And with each new drop, the Dow erases

My gains away –

Goodbye, 401-K!

No, I can’t bear to see my kid’s faces

When I tell ’em we’ll have to hock their braces –

And adios – adios to those Nintendos!

I once had big dreams of stretch limousines

And beds made with fine satin sheets.

With Cuban cigars, big tips at the bars,

And toilets with solid gold seats

But then came the news of the bear market blues

I knew I’d run out of luck–

Goodbye sweet dreams, goodbye limousines–

I’d be lucky to gas up my truck

Yeah, I ain’t got no social graces

But I find myself on a first-name basis

With a whole lot of stocks

In low-ow-ow places.

Listen to Seattle’s Morning News with Dave Ross and Colleen O’Brien weekday mornings from 5 – 9 a.m. on KIRO Newsradio, 97.3 FM. Subscribe to the podcast here.

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