Living with an ex: a divorced Seattle couple lives together, raises kids together

Whitney and Brian’s home life looks completely normal. They have two kids, an 8-year-old boy, an 11-year-old girl, a house in Seattle’s Fremont neighborhood, and a cat named Lady Meow. But about 10 years ago, Whitney and Brian got a divorce.

After a year-and-a-half of living separately, shuttling their young kids back and forth each week, they decided to move back in together.

“My son had a seizure one night – it was a fever seizure – and it scared me so badly,” Whitney said. “And it was that moment that I was like, you know, I don’t care if Brian lives on my couch until my kids are 18.”

But Brian doesn’t live on the couch. He has his own bedroom downstairs and Whitney has hers upstairs. Brian and Whitney, ladies and gentleman, the divorced couple who live together.

“It’s very weird for people to accept,” Whitney said. “They are always just so perplexed. We tell our kids how we get along better than a lot of married people. It was for the sake of our kids. To me, it’s more perplexing how couples could [swap custody] five days on, two days off, and missing all this incredible time that they only have once with a kid. They’re the most important thing in our lives and so we sacrifice a lot, but it works. We’re friends and we’re a team.”

It certainly helps that they had a pretty amicable breakup, and both are all about putting their egos aside and giving their kids the best life possible.

“When I was a kid, I went through multiple divorces,” Whitney said. “My parents divorced and then my grandparents divorced. I also went through a horrific custody battle. I did not want to do that. That will forever be engrained in my head, that whole experience. That was one thing that I kept begging Brian in the beginning. I asked him, I said, ‘Please don’t let our kids go through what I went through.'”

They also wanted to skip the financial fight.

“I have a friend who just got divorced and, when everything is said and done, he will have paid his ex-wife $600,000. Brian and I always had the opinion that we’d rather give our money to our children as opposed to lawyers.”

Of course, there’s one question people always want to ask.

“We’re not romantically involved and haven’t been. Brian swears that’s maybe why we get along better.”

But do they date? Not seriously, no.

“Guys will run faster than anything,” Whitney said. “So that is the price that I pay is that I don’t really date. I mean, they just can’t handle it at all. That’s not to say I haven’t dated guys.”

Brian said he’s not looking. But other people think he should be.

“‘You’re passing up the chance to be with someone,’ [they’ll say] and I’m like, well, sometimes being with someone is not that great,” Brian said. “Like, I’ve been in bad relationships. If I have something that, to me, feels really good: I can see my kids all the time and I have someone who I can kind of talk to and watch some TV with, what should I be looking for? You know, love? Being in love fades. I’d say we have a deep care and respect for each other. We are both very committed to our children and for me that’s really important. The most important thing. The only other thing that I’m really missing out on is, obviously, sex.”

And what do their kids think about the unusual arrangement?

“Initially they had a hard time kind of understanding it,” Brian said. “And they would be like, ‘Are you guys gonna kiss? Or get back together?’ And we’ve been very clear. No, we’re not. We’re just partners and we’re committed to raising you guys. I think they’ve gotten used to it.”

Whitney and Brian are just one example of people who are doing what’s best for their family, as opposed to what society tells them they’re supposed to be doing.