Debauchery in the Olympic Village

US javelin thrower Breaux Greer says that he saw Olympic athletes hooking up everywhere at the Beijing Olympics. This photo shows Greer at the US Track and Field Championships in Indianapolis in 2007. Greer set an American record with a throw of 91.29m. (AP Photo/Darron Cummings)

Another reason to envy Olympic athletes – we probably assumed it before, but now it’s been thrust in our face – in addition to having god-like bodies, the athletes, living as they do in a village populated exclusively by people with god-like bodies, apparently engage in sexual activity.

You must have read of the piece in ESPN magazine in which various athletes describe what goes on once they finish competing. U.S. Soccer star Hope Solo recalled seeing competitors having sex in Beijing “on the grass, between buildings.”

And it’s apparently nothing new. It’s like college, except even more of a fairy tale because the main qualification for matriculation is a perfect body. About 10,000 of them. And they tend to stroll around in their underwear, according to U.S. javelin thrower Breaux Greer.

“Even if their face is a 7,” he says, “their body is a 20.”

Which is why, according to The Daily Mail, 150,000 prophylactics will be on hand. But you know what that means? It means all this sex does the world no good.

I’m sure the atheletes are having a great time, but I’m talking about civilization. We need their offspring – offspring who would not only have physical endurance but mental endurance. Offspring who come into the world already motivated, whose parents have been selected objectively: by performance. Without regard to race or religion.

If London doesn’t want them, throw a big party for them here.

The baby boom is retiring. Imagine if we could pass the torch to a new generation that could actually run with that torch without collapsing.