I have seen our future and the future is gold

Listen to Dave’s commentary: I have seen our future

Let’s run down the list: we’ve tried Republican tax cuts, we’ve tried Democratic tax cuts. We started a stimulus program, then we ended the stimulus program, we closed the FAA, we reopened the FAA, some of us ridiculed the president, some of us prayed for him:

“Father, we pray for our president.”

And finally the American people were so confused that they sold off stocks, and bought the very government bonds that had just been downgraded.

Ah, but they also did something else —

“I took my money out of the stock market. I put it under the mattress.”

“Silver, gold?”

“Gold, yes.”

Yes, they bought… GOLD:

Gold, mesmerizing gold! Look at the gold America…keep your eye on the gold.

Shiny sparkly spangly gold! Touch it, rub it. Sqeeeeze it!

The economy is toast — forget the economy. And politics is toast – forget politics. Who’s the president? I forget. And it doesn’t matter who the president is… when the phone rings at 3 a.m. it’s only the collection agency anyway.

Here’s what matters…the wedding ring you bought for $500 is worth $3000 now. Every married couple in America can finally buy a better TV — just in time for the new season of Two and a Half Men.

Double dip? All it means is I reach once again into my jewelry box and sell the gold cufflinks.

We will sell our jewelry, and America will rise again. And we will lose ten pounds and stop smoking.