Ross: A poem about 2020’s ‘War on Christmas’ (or lack thereof)

One day ‘til Christmas, another year gone
And we’re watching TV when it finally dawned
On the Missus and me as we sat reminiscing
That something important was utterly … missing!

I flipped through the channels from one to 900
Where was the annual crisis, I wondered?
So finally I turned and I said to the Missus:
“Good grief – what became of this year’s war on Christmas?”

Remember the warnings? Remember the books?
Yet Christmas explodes everywhere that you look
Computerized lights on each house you drive by
Like Christmas has merged with the Fourth of July

Why, only last week I was driving along
When I heard someone blasting a loud Christmas song
And the source of that music, it soon became clear
Was a truck dressed like Rudolph – the red-nosed reindeer!

The windows had antlers, the hood had a nose
The hitch had a tail, when I saw it, I froze!
The sight of that creature has always stayed with me
As if Rudolph had sex with a Ford F-150

There’s only one thing this could possibly mean
That Christmas lives, even without the vaccine
And I bet that next year it will still have that glow
Though climate change dry up the last flake of snow

So turn up the sound – let America hear
The toast that I raise at this same time each year
You worship your way, I’ll worship mine
Enough rum in the fruitcake and we’ll both be fine

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