Talk about inequality

Now we know what really happens in the event of a sudden loss of pressure.

Tom Brady’s four-game suspension without pay and the $1 million fine against the Patriots sends a clear signal ball pressure is fundamental to the integrity of football.

Now, I realize I don’t take pro sports as seriously as a good American should…but if the problem with deflating the ball is that it gives you a better grip than your opponent, and if getting a better grip than your opponent makes the game unfair, then never mind ball pressure – does the NFL realize the wildly different hand sizes between players?

The average hand size for ordinary men is 7.4 inches from pinky to thumb. But Patriot receiver Rob Gronkowski &#8212 the guy Brady throws to &#8212 has a hand size of 10 3/4 inches. Those aren’t hands. They’re tentacles!

By contrast, in the AFC championship, Colts quarterback Andrew Luck was throwing to guys like T.Y. Hilton &#8212 whose hand size is only 8 and 3/8 inches. Not much bigger than mine. And I’m a terrible receiver. In high school the ball kept bouncing off my back as I was trying to get out of the way.

But here’s the real shocker. You know whose hand size you can’t find anywhere? Tom Brady’s. He is one of the few NFL players with no official hand measurement. How is that fair? Shouldn’t other teams know what they’re up against?

And while we’re at it, how is it fair that besides winning four Super Bowls, he’s got perfect hair, is married to a gorgeous supermodel, looks great without a shirt, and got to play himself on the Simpsons?

Talk about inequality.