DAVE ROSS

Time’s up, shoppers…

Dec 24, 2014, 6:01 AM | Updated: 6:09 am

Christmas Eve is upon us, and that means you’re out of time at the mall. (AP Photo/File)...

Christmas Eve is upon us, and that means you're out of time at the mall. (AP Photo/File)

(AP Photo/File)

A poem by Dave Ross

Today is the day when supply meets demand –
When Americans feel the invisible hand.
Pushing and prodding you out of your rut
Tickling your fancy and smacking your butt.

For none can resist the eternal appeal –

Of a stimulus plan called – the Christmas Eve deal!
Where discounts run deep, and the rebates don’t end
And everyone saves twice as much as they spend!

Who would dare claim the economy sucks
When an HD TV’s less than 300 bucks!
And when’s the last time you recall a reporter
Reporting that gasoline’s cheaper than water?

So away to the carport,
We fly with a vengeance!
Shine up the charge cards,
And rev up our engines!

The last-minute shopping can finally begin
You must buy ‘til it hurts or the terrorists win

And while some may dismiss this as darkly psychotic
We both know that nothing is more patriotic.

You hear that cash register? Each time it rings
John Maynard Keynes gets a new set of wings.
Let’s show the world how much stuff we can grip,
Without rupturing something or breaking a hip.

And you’ll hear us exclaim, as we wrap all we’ve bought
That timeless and heartwarming holiday thought:
“Glad tidings of Goodwill to one and to all!”
– Since that’s where the Christmas gifts end up by Fall.

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Time’s up, shoppers…