Ask Ursula: My cousin’s social media posts make me cringe. Should I say something?

I’m Ursula Reutin, one of the co-hosts of “The Gee and Ursula Show” on KIRO Newsradio.

Welcome to today’s edition of Ask Ursula, my advice column on MyNorthwest.

Dear Ursula,

I’m worried about what my cousin is putting on social media.

He shares a LOT about his life, and honestly, some of it makes me cringe. What you see online is very different from the guy I know. He changes his voice and comes across as extra sensitive and compassionate and it doesn’t feel natural.

He does a lot of live videos, and his eyes wander, his thoughts ramble, and I can barely make it through them.

I know he’s trying to build a following because social media could help his career. But I’m starting to wonder if these posts are actually hurting him. I mean, most of his posts get only a couple of likes, and almost nobody comments.

Should I say something? I for sure know I would want somebody close to me to tell me if I was making myself look ridiculous online.

On the other hand, maybe this is none of my business, and I should just let him figure it out for himself.

What would you do?

Signed,

Jenna in the 360

Here’s my response for Jenna!

It would be easy for me to say, “Let him do his own thing and mind your own business.” Because really, what right do you have to monitor what another adult puts on social media?

But I do think there’s an exception.

If you’re close to your cousin, and you genuinely believe what he’s posting could hurt his career, then yes, I think you can say something.

But first, ask yourself what exactly is bothering you.

Is it that he’s rambling, not connecting with people, and maybe not presenting himself professionally?

Or is it that he sounds different online … than he does with you, and that makes you uncomfortable?

Because those are not the same thing.

People do have a professional voice. They may come across differently at work than they do at the dinner table. That doesn’t automatically mean they’re fake.

And I also wouldn’t assume that a lack of likes or comments proves these posts are hurting him. It may just mean he hasn’t built an audience yet.

So if you do say something, I would not lead with, “Your videos are cringey.”

Have a face-to-face conversation and ask if you can give some feedback on his videos. You can say “I know you’re trying to grow your professional presence, and I just want to make sure your posts are helping you do that.”

Then keep your comments specific and useful. Talk about whether the videos have a clear point. Suggest he watch them back or ask someone in his field for honest feedback.

But … again … before you tell someone they’re embarrassing themselves, make sure you’re trying to HELP them, not just make them act more like the version that makes you comfortable.

You do not get to rewrite his personality.

Say your piece with care and kindness, and then let him decide who he wants to be online.

With love,

Ursula

If you have a family or work dilemma, or you need advice after going through a major change, I’m here to help you! Send your question to me on MyNorthwest or email me directly at askursula@bonneville.com.

Listen to Gee and Ursula on “The Gee and Ursula Show” weekday mornings from 9 am to 12 pm on KIRO Newsradio.

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