Are French Parents Better Than American Parents?

By Rachel Belle

Listen to Feature: Are French Parents Better than American Parents?

Are French kids better behaved than American kids? If you ask Pamela Druckerman, author of the new book, Bringing Up Bebe, the answer is: yes.

In her book, Druckerman says French babies start sleeping through the night at three months old, kids sit politely in restaurants, they don’t interrupt their parents and they play in their rooms while their parents socialize. An article about her book has sparked over a thousand comments on the Wall Street Journal, so I met with two French moms, living in Seattle, to see what they thought.

Anne Francoise Anquetil talks about a scene she witnessed when she first moved to the United States.

“I saw a little kid who made a big, big mess in the supermarket. I remember hearing the mom just telling very quietly ‘Ok, my little one, my cutie, you expressed yourself, it’s a great thing, but now it’s time to move on and let’s go home.’ I was like, oh my gosh! My daughter, she was the same age, if she had done the same thing I would have said ‘Stop it immediately! What a mess!'”

Anquetil raised her two older sons in France, and is now bringing up her daughter in the US. She definitely sees a difference in how kids are raised in general, and how differently she is raising her daughter, compared to her other kids.

“Sometimes I have the feeling that American parents let [their] kids do almost what they want. For example, sometimes I’m surprised to see some kids in the school who are wearing [a] princess dress. The little girl wanted to dress like that and the parents say ‘yes.’ For us, it’s not really the same thing.”

Anne Derieux agrees that structure is different in a French household, especially at meal times. French families usually eat three meals, with snacks at a set time, and the kids eat what the parents eat. She says children know how to eat with a knife and fork.

“In France, you have dinner together and you stay at the table until you’re done. I’ve always noticed, when I’ve had American children for dinner, they would get out of the table and I’d be like [gasps]! Now I’m used to it, but at first I was like [makes a surprised noise]!”

Both Annes emphasize that there are plenty of polite American children with good manners. But, overall, French children are more well behaved because the parents are in control.

“You say ‘No, you cannot do that’ and that’s it,” Anquetil says. “There is no negotiations there is no ‘Oh, I’m sorry…but maybe another time.’ No, it is ‘no.’ That’s it. You’re the kids, I’m the mom and I say ‘You cannot do that. Stop now.”

She says small children might have a few tantrums, but they quickly learn who is in control and the tantrums stop. Druckerman talks about seeing perfectly behaved children in restaurants, while American kids are whining, running around and dropping food on the floor.

“There’s this urgency always,” Derieux says. “Kids want something [in the US], you get it right away. It’s this kind of impatience. The kids learn here, my parents are my servants. If you want something, you get it. Where in France you learn to wait, to be patient early, early on.”

To be clear, these moms were sure to point out that they don’t think they’re right and American parents are wrong.

“We’re not perfect and we’re not superior,” Derieux says. “I think there are many things we are learning. I think that freedom they give to their kids brings some really interesting personalities. I think, like always, don’t go to an extreme. A balance of the two systems would probably be perfect.”

Derieux works at the French American School of Puget Sound, in Mercer Island, and thinks the American lifestyle brings out wonderful things in children.

“That’s what I like about American kids. They’re much more open, in a way, and easier to have a conversation, even if you don’t know them very well. I think French kids have a tendency to be more careful and hesitant and shy. So in a way, it’s nice, I think.”