Puberty is awkward. Here’s why experts say parents should keep talking
Oct 9, 2026, 1:40 PM
If you’re parenting a tween or teen, you may already know one thing: Puberty can be awkward … for everyone. The mood swings. The slammed doors.
The sudden realization that your child apparently no longer needs you — except when they absolutely do.
And two experts said parents shouldn’t run from those uncomfortable conversations.
Dr. Cara Natterson is a pediatrician and mom of two. Vanessa Kroll Bennett is a puberty educator and mom of four.
Together, they co-authored the book “This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained.”
And their biggest message? Don’t wait for one giant, terrifying conversation about puberty.
“They need science-based, relatable information from us,” Bennett told “The Today Show” on NBC. “And it may not be a satisfying experience. They may not thank us with deep gratitude for having talked to them about it. It’s really critical to keep trying because you will mess up.”
Puberty is starting earlier, but looking older doesn’t mean thinking older
That might actually be good news for parents. Because puberty is starting earlier than many of us remember.
Natterson said it now typically starts around 8 to 9 years old for girls and 9 to 10 years old for boys.
And there’s another tricky part: kids can LOOK older before they actually THINK older.
“They’re still 11,” Bennett said. “That’s where their brain development is. That’s where their socialization is. So we have to treat them the age they are. Not the age they appear to be.”
So don’t let the height, deeper voice, or teenage-looking face fool you. They’re still developing — and that includes emotionally.
And yes, the mood swings can be part of it.
“It’s a slamming door. It’s not just crying,” Natterson said. “It can also be hysterical laughing.”
Helping kids navigate changing emotions and friendships
Translation: Puberty isn’t just about growing taller or changing physically. Kids are learning how to handle emotions that can suddenly feel much bigger. And experts said parents shouldn’t shame them for it.
“You don’t just wanna say, ‘Ugh, calm down,'” Bennett said. “Or, ‘Don’t be so dramatic.’ You don’t want to shame them for it because they can’t help it.”
And parents, you’re not imagining it when your kid suddenly seems more interested in what their friends have to say than anything coming from you. There’s science behind that shift.
“There is a study that shows that between the ages of 12 and 14, the part of the brain that used to respond to mom’s voice now responds to peer voice,” Natterson said. “So what you feel in your own home is very real.”
So who’s in your child’s circle? Experts said parents should build a team of trusted adults — relatives, teachers, coaches or mentors — who can become another source of support.
Because if they are not hearing our voices, who are they hearing?
RELATED STORIES
Why ‘the talk’ should be an ongoing conversation
And then there’s the conversation parents have been dreading forever: The birds and the bees.
But forget the idea that there’s one perfect moment for “the talk.”
“We have to start by giving them scientific facts,” Natterson said. “They have to understand what sex is. We have to pair the physical act with love and with the emotional side of the experience. So already here are 10 talks, 10 conversations to get into with your kid. But they do need logistics. They need to understand consent. They need to understand that that is a two-way street, and they’ve been learning consent since they were in preschool. They understand sharing.”
They said parents need to start conversations before kids are searching for answers on their own.
And perhaps the biggest takeaway for parents? Keep the conversation going.
Start early. Listen. And let your kids know they can always come to you — even when the conversation is awkward.
Read more of Katrina Guischard’s stories here.
