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Barack Obama, beard
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Should Barack Obama have a beard?

No treason prosecution is underway against Barack Obama. (File, Associated Press)

A picture of Barack Obama with a beard popped up on my Twitter feed Monday.

Homebrew haiku: Sports car in space

Of course, like everything on the internet, it turned out to be fake. But it triggered immediate demands that he grow a real one because it made him look cool enough to appear in a Dos Equis commercial.

Unfortunately, research shows voters tend not to trust bearded politicians. Plus, Obama says he can’t grow one anyway.

But I found the enthusiasm of his fans encouraging because, as a bearded man myself, it does sometimes feel like the judges automatically deduct for facial hair.

Stephen Colbert tried the lifestyle right before starting his new show, but the viewers wouldn’t have it.

“When I premiered the Colbeard, the internet burned to the ground. I made the cover of ‘Homeless Sea Captain’ monthly.”

Jimmy Kimmel gets away with it. But when Jim Carrey and David Letterman came out as barbosexuals it didn’t go well. I’m pretty sure there are states where bakers won’t even sell them a muffin.

So it’s a big decision for a man, whether to let his infrastructure blossom. He has to walk that fine line between “cool” and “psycho”; between “Santa Claus” and “Civil War.”

Sometimes the only way to find out what works is to grow it and see.

If little children follow you demanding Legos, you’ve achieved Santa Claus.

If grown men follow you with lighted torches, it’s time to shave.

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