‘The Case of the Deflated Dachshunds’: What a petty crime says about accountability

I’ve been thinking about petty crime lately, and that brings me to this morning’s commentary. About a month ago, I told you how someone slashed all six inflatable Halloween dachshunds on our lawn in Auburn.

I realize that sentence requires a lot of unpacking. My wife loves wiener dogs. We have two real ones, Ralph and Daisy. Our inflatable collection began with one nine years ago and has since grown to six. Yes, we’re those people.

I know how that sounds. In a place dealing with shootings, stolen cars, and smash-and-grabs, I’m worked up about inflatable dogs. I get it. This barely registers on the crime scale.

The world’s dumbest crime spree

Dozens of homes got hit that night. Kids, caught clear as day on Ring cameras, went on a decoration rampage. They didn’t even bother with hiding their faces. It was like watching the world’s dumbest crime spree.

We filed a police report online. Still waiting for that callback. I’m sure the police will get right on “The Case of the Deflated Dachshunds” after they solve actual crimes. The Seattle area has the third-worst property crime rate nationally. We’re 184% above the national average. My inflatable dogs are not making anyone’s priority list.

What really gets me is the Facebook discussion afterward. Parents are shocked that kids this young would do this on a school night. The disbelief that they didn’t even care about cameras. The resignation that nothing would happen anyway.

We’re not locking up kids over inflatable dachshunds, right? That seems like a lot. I think. But I can’t help but think: these kids knew nothing would happen to them. They’re not dumb. They see the news. Juvenile detention is basically extinct here. And when you remove all accountability, even the small stuff, you’re teaching them that rules are suggestions. And that escalates.

It always escalates.

Perhaps, between harsh punishment and zero accountability, lies something reasonable. Maybe some community service? Restitution? An awkward apology to neighbors? Something that says: your actions have consequences, even when they’re stupid. Especially when they are stupid.

Because when we stop expecting better from people, even young people, we stop getting better. And gradually, decoration by decoration, we all retreat inside.

Well, we’re not the type who retreats.

You know what we did after the slashing? Duct taped the Halloween weiners to display them one last time. Oh, and we bought two inflatable Thanksgiving dachshunds. We’ve never done Thanksgiving decorations before. But there they are, wobbling defiantly on our lawn.

Is that ridiculous? Absolutely. Are we literally inflating dogs to make a point about community resilience? Yes. Welcome to 2025.

Because here’s the thing: surrendering to vandals, even teenage ones, means accepting that this is just how things are now. That property crime is like weather, something we endure rather than address.

The Thanksgiving dachshunds are out there right now, fully inflated, probably confusing the neighbors. Christmas ones are coming next. Our ridiculous little way of saying we refuse to accept that this is just how things are now.

Because somebody has to insist that we can do better than this. Might as well be the people with inflatable wiener dogs.

Charlie Harger is the host of “Seattle’s Morning News” on KIRO Newsradio. You can read more of his stories and commentaries here. Follow Charlie on X and email him here. 

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