Harger: The war on straws (plastic v. paper) is pure Seattle theater

I was working on an investigative piece in North Seattle (that report airs Thursday morning, by the way), but I got thirsty and decided to stop by a convenience store for a Coke Zero. I had forgotten the freedom we enjoy in the suburbs.

I fill the cup. I put on the lid. I look for a straw. Wait. Where are the straws? I’m scanning the counter. I’m looking around like a lost tourist for a good 30 seconds when the guy behind the register finally asks, “Straw?”

They had to keep them behind the counter. In Washington, we don’t want straws getting into the wrong hands. Or in this case, compostable straws. I had to ask permission to get a dang straw.

Washington is one of the only states in the country with an “ask first” policy on straws. The law here is that food service businesses can only give you a single-use straw if you request one. It’s a shakedown. You want to sip your drink like a normal person? Say the magic words.

Silly Seattle rules

But it gets even sillier in Seattle. Go figure. In 2018, Seattle became the first major city in America to ban plastic straws outright. Restaurants here must use paper or compostable alternatives. The city patted itself on the back. Environmental leader. Trailblazer. Saving the whales one soggy straw at a time.

Here’s the thing. Plastic straws account for less than 1% of ocean plastic pollution. Much less. Some estimates put it at 0.025%. The major sources? Fishing gear. Bottles. Mismanaged waste from rivers overseas. Stanford researchers warned back in 2018 that straw bans risk giving people “moral license” to feel like they’ve done their part when they haven’t done much of anything. It’s low-hanging fruit that lets everyone feel good while accomplishing almost nothing.

And what did we replace plastic straws with? Compostable straws and paper straws. A 2023 study found that many paper straws contain higher levels of PFAS, the “forever chemicals,” than the plastic ones they replaced. So we traded a functional straw for one that poisons you slightly more and disintegrates in your iced coffee.

Let me take a moment to describe how much I loathe paper straws. They get soggy after four sips. They collapse when you bite down. They leave a weird pulpy taste in your mouth. They bend. They wilt. You’re drinking through a wet napkin.

Is this really worth it? All that annoyance. All that performative virtue. To reduce 0.025% of plastic waste?

I’m about to start carrying plastic straws in my inside jacket pocket like contraband. See someone at a restaurant in distress, their paper straw collapsing into their Diet Coke, I slide up to the table, open my jacket real slow, and whisper: “Five bucks.”

I get the desire to do something. To save the oceans. To protect the whales. But banning straws while ignoring the plastic containers, the packaging, the bottles, the actual sources of pollution? That’s just theater.

This is Seattle. We can’t fix the graffiti, but at least we dealt with the straws.

Charlie Harger is the host of “Seattle’s Morning News” on KIRO Newsradio. You can read more of his stories and commentaries here. Follow Charlie on X and email him here. 

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