Ask Ursula: Why is it so difficult to find an age-appropriate man, where are they hiding?

Hi, I’m Ursula Reutin, co-host of “The Gee and Ursula Show,” and I’m thrilled to introduce my new advice column, Ask Ursula, where I help people navigate family, friendships, work, and all the messy, beautiful moments in between.

If you need any advice, reach out to me at askursula@bonneville.com or fill out this form here.

Today’s question is about dating. Now, I’ve been married for more than 30 years, so I’ve been out of the dating pool, but I’m still happy to give my two cents on this question from a listener we will call “ready for love.”

Ready for love

Dear Ursula,

Why is it so difficult to find an age-appropriate man — and where are they hiding?

I’ll be 73 in June and would love a long-term, companion-style relationship — someone to laugh with, hug, talk to, and enjoy life together.

I’ve tried just about everything. Dating apps (all of them), including international, interracial, and religious sites. I’ve asked friends and family to keep an eye out. I’ve gone to places people suggested — even checked out more than 50 community centers. No luck.

My most recent date? A man who spent most of the time talking about his “road dog” and the 40-foot Greyhound bus he’s renovating to live in and drive around. Let’s just say… not my lifestyle.

At this point, I’m trying not to stress about it. But I do wonder — am I looking in the wrong places? Or is this just the reality of dating at this age?

Where are the men who want something real?

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Dear ready for love,

First of all, I love this question! And I applaud you for not giving up on wanting connection, because love doesn’t have an expiration date.

That said, you’re not imagining it — There are simply fewer men in your age range, and the ones who are out there are either happily partnered or fiercely independent. And some, as you discovered, are living in a refurbished bus with their “road dog.”

You’re not doing anything wrong.

But I do think you’re looking in places where people are “available,” like the dating sites, but not necessarily where people are aligned with what you want.

If I’m getting your vibe, what you’re describing isn’t casual dating — it’s companionship. You want to find someone who still wants to build something, even now.

My advice is to go to places where you’re more likely to connect with men who share that mindset: Volunteering, classes, travel groups, faith communities, and even structured social clubs where people are there for connection, not just browsing.

And here’s the other truth: at this stage, it’s less about finding a pool of options and more about recognizing the right person when they appear.

Because they do exist. They’re just rarer. Which makes them more valuable and worth the wait.

And one more thing, the fact that you know exactly what you want, and what you don’t want, is your superpower! Don’t lower the bar just because the room feels a little empty at the moment.

You are fabulous, and I know the right person will come along.

With love,

Ursula

Listen to Gee and Ursula on “The Gee and Ursula Show” weekday mornings from 9 am to 12 pm on KIRO Newsradio.

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