Ask Ursula: Am I petty for wanting a separate check at family dinner?

Sep 17, 2026, 11:01 AM

KIRO Newsradio host

Hi, I’m Ursula Reutin, co-host of “The Gee and Ursula Show” on KIRO Newsradio. Welcome to “Ask Ursula,” my weekly advice column.

Dear Ursula,

I love getting together with my family at restaurants, but when it comes to paying the bill, I always dread it. I don’t order alcoholic drinks, and they all do. So when the bill comes, I just want to pay my portion. But they always want to divide it evenly among the five of us.

I don’t think that’s fair, and it always turns into a hassle. This last time, I was even asked if I wanted to figure out the bill myself. Ugh.

Any thoughts? By the way, I stuck to my guns and only paid my share.

Signed,

Separate Check, Please

Dear Separate Check,

For future get-togethers, I’d make it clear before you even get to the restaurant: “I’m on a tight budget, I’m choosing not to drink because that adds a lot to the bill, and I’m going to ask for a separate check.”

Your family should be able to respect that. If they can’t, then you may have to decide whether going out to dinner with them is worth the aggravation.

And if you don’t want to be excluded and they absolutely refuse to budge, then unfortunately you have another decision to make: Are you willing to cough up the extra money to keep the peace?

But either way, the restaurant is not the place to have this fight. Set the expectation ahead of time.

And one more thing, if you’re paying your own portion, make sure you’re also covering a full 20% tip on your share. I’m sure you do that already, but a gentle reminder, just in case.

I hope this helps you keep the peace,

With love, Ursula

If you need some advice about a work, family, or dating dilemma — or maybe there’s something you’re struggling with, and you need an ear and some guidance — I’m here for you. Reach out to me at askursula@bonneville.com or fill out this form here.

Listen to Gee and Ursula on “The Gee and Ursula Show” weekday mornings from 9 am to 12 pm on KIRO Newsradio.

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