Ask Ursula: My co-worker’s breath smells like death! How do I tell her?

Hi, I’m Ursula Reutin, co-host of “The Gee and Ursula Show,” and I’m thrilled to introduce my new advice column, Ask Ursula, where I help people navigate family, friendships, work, and all the messy, beautiful moments in between.

If you need any advice, reach out to me at askursula@bonneville.com or fill out this form here.

Still Holding My Breath

Dear Ursula,

I have a co-worker who’s also become a friend outside of work. We’ve been at the same company for about four years, and now our cubicles are next to each other. We get along well, except there’s one thing that really bothers me.

Her breath.

When I tell you her breath is awful, that’s an understatement. Some days are worse than others, but it smells like her insides are rotting. Seriously, it’s like someone died in there!

What’s crazy is that she cares a lot about her appearance and what others think of her, so I’m shocked she doesn’t realize her breath is so bad. I’m also wondering if this has to do with her diet because she’s been losing weight for this past year.

In any case, it’s to the point where I dread when she stops by my cubicle because I have to hold my breath so I don’t feel sick to my stomach.

If I’m noticing it, I’m sure other co-workers are too. Should I say something to her or keep my mouth shut? And if I do mention it, how can I avoid hurting her feelings?

Help!

Signed,

Still Holding My Breath

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Dear Still Holding My Breath,

My first instinct was to suggest you offer her a breath mint and hope she gets the hint. But that is passive-aggressive, and frankly, she may never get the hint.

So I think you have two choices. You say nothing and hope she eventually figures it out, or you have an uncomfortable conversation because you actually care about her.

I would choose the conversation.

You mentioned she’s been losing a lot of weight, and that could be a clue. Some low-carb or high-protein diets can cause noticeably bad breath. But persistent bad breath can also come from dental problems, medication, dry mouth, or other health issues. She may genuinely have no idea it’s happening.

And if it’s gotten to the point where you dread having her come over to your cubicle, there’s a good chance other people have noticed it, too.

So tell her, but do it privately. Be kind. And make it clear you’re saying something because you would want a friend to tell you.

Something like: “This is awkward, and I hope you know I’m only telling you because I care about you. I’ve noticed lately that your breath has been pretty strong, and I want to make sure everything’s ok.”

Then stop talking.

Don’t say her breath smells like death. Don’t tell her the entire office probably knows. Don’t diagnose her. Give her the information and let her decide what to do with it.

Yes, she may be embarrassed for a minute.

But I would rather be embarrassed by a friend who cares about me than find out six months later that everybody at work knew, and gossiped about it, and nobody had the courage to tell me.

I hope this advice helps.

With love,

Ursula

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