How would you feel about a cocktail party at your grave?

How would you feel if they had a cocktail party at your grave site? It might be a bit of apples and oranges, but the outrage over a cocktail reception to commemorate the opening of the 9/11 museum in New York is sparking plenty of discussion.

Relatives of some of the victims are fuming about the black tie reception hosted by Condé Nast, former Mayor Michael Bloomberg and the National September 11 Memorial & Museum meant to recognize supporters and donors.

“You enjoy dinner & drinks on top of my brothers grave last night, (expletive)?” tweeted Robert Shay Jr.’s sister.

Shay, 27, of Staten Island, was a husband, a father and a bond broker for Cantor Fitzgerald.

But KIRO Radio’s Ron Upshaw says while he understands the anger, receptions are a common happening in the museum business.

“If you’re in the museum business, this is what you do, so I don’t think this is disrespectful to anyone that lost a loved one there,” says KIRO Radio’s Ron Upshaw. “You have to do something for people that have donated a lot of money towards something like this. It’s just the way the world works.”

Don O’Neill argues the outrage is justifiable and wonders why they couldn’t hold the party for dignitaries and donors somewhere else.

“I think it’s different because these people weren’t recovered. I think you are on solemn ground and I think that you do have to respect that. I think if you are going to drink and have a party, and that’s something you have to do for donors, I think it’s something you can do at a hotel offsite or across the way.”

But Don says he would support the notion of family members gathering at the site to have a more upbeat remembrance amongst themselves.

“If a family member that lost somebody, if they wanted to come there on their son’s birthday and crack open a beer, I wouldn’t have a problem with that either.”

So where do you draw the line? Is it okay to have a party at someone’s grave site? Don’s younger sister Colleen died earlier this year, and he thinks she’d want family and friends to feel comfortable at her final resting spot.

“I don’t think she would want her family just to always mourn and cry in perpetuity,” he says. And Don says he’d welcome his own friends and family to bring some brats and beer, maybe play a little guitar, to his grave when he goes.

But Ron and Don admit someone’s grave site is far different than a national memorial like the World Trade Center site.

Tom in Bremerton was among the callers to the Ron and Don Show arguing there shouldn’t be any sort of conviviality at such a somber place of remembrance.

“It’s kind of disheartening when you go into the memorial and people are laughing and joking and having a good time there,” he says of his experiences at the Pearl Harbor Memorial in Hawaii.

Listener Alexandra says even though it is a museum, having any sort of social gathering seems inappropriate.

“What does it matter if they’re wealthy donors that gave all this money. So what? Why are we going to give them a party just because they gave their money that didn’t mean anything to them?”

But Eric in Auburn says it’s important to differentiate between a party and respectful reception like the event held at the 9/11 museum. The former New York resident says he worked a number of similar gatherings at museums in the city and to portray it as a party is a mischaracterization.

“I believe it can be pulled off in a very respectful way to provide some food and beverage for an event even if it is at this museum,” he says.

What do you think?